Mummy is going away for work - a letter for my babies

To my babies –

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This is the first time I am leaving you both and leaving you to work. I know you do not fully understand this now, so this is all the things I wish I could tell you:

I love you, more than I ever imagined loving someone, more than I could put into words.

I hope you will know that me leaving you to work, to build a career does not mean I do not love you any less or wanted to miss any time with you.

I want to work, I want to finish my PhD and I want to spend time with you - I want both and I know that in order to do so, I have to make sacrifices with both. Please do not think any less of me for this, please.

I am actually a better mother when I do work, when I learn new things, take on new challenges.

I am a better mother when there are sometimes I get the toilet to myself, finish a cup of coffee in one go and get to wear nice clothes that do not have poo, wee, milk, vomit and anything else on them.

But this does not mean I mind any of that, I really do not.

I would do anything for you, be anything, give anything,

Did I tell you that I love you more than my heart could stretch?

I do work to be able to provide for you, to buy you nice clothes, to pay for swimming lessons and put good food on the table. I like being able to contribute to the family financially, it is something that makes me happy and fulfilled.

I do work because I enjoy working, I love my business, my study, my job. I get so much joy from helping other people. But this does not mean I do not enjoy time with you – I do I really really do. I do not think with all my writing ability I could accurately describe what it is like to just be with you and watch all the cute, quirky, intelligent, strong, amazing things you do.

I want to show you and teach you a good work ethic, to overcome challenges, to be what-ever you want to be and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

I hope, desperately hope, that one day you will know this and understand this,

I don’t think I told you that I love you,

I am going to miss giving you both a bath, read you stories, tuck you in at night and kiss your beautiful foreheads.

I am also secretly going to enjoy my first full nights sleep in a very very long time (one day you will understand this!),

I know I will still wake up at 5am and miss you both so terribly I will need to flick open my phone and watch videos of you both before I even get out of bed.

I haven't told you that I love you enough, love you so much it hurts. I need to go now, before I lose the courage and the heart to leave,

Love you, love you, love you,

Mum xxxx

 

Comments

  1. Sarah AlexanderMay 18, 2015 at 12:34 AM

    Oh J, sending love. I know that feeling so badly torn both ways. Enjoy your time away, enjoy your sleep and your time to grow your brain. The boys will love you for being you xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Julie BhosaleMay 18, 2015 at 2:47 AM

    Thank you Sarah! It definitely is a torn feeling! You know and understand so well x

    ReplyDelete

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