JulieBhosaleAchive

Last week at my Venus Network meeting it was a show and tell week. I thought I would do something a little different (normally I would bring yummy healthy treats) and I brought my published Doctoral thesis.   When it came to my turn to speak, I was taken back by the emotion that come from inside me. As I shared my thesis and read the dedication I wrote to my two boys I could barely get through it, my hands were shaking and I had tears just streaming down my face - there was not a dry eye at the business table as all the other women listened. It was at the moment the reality of what I have accomplished truly hit home to me. That this really has been so much more than a Doctoral thesis – it’s my life’s story. The story of my life’s work and research but also that of my family, of my husband, of my boys. My journey as a mother and the journey of my career – at the same time. Most of all it’s been my journey to find myself and find my purpose. And the enormity of this I have struggled ...

I am on the final stage – the final, final, final stage! And am I so glad to be at this point. It has been a very long few months waiting, in limbo. Three months and 28 days to be precise (not that I am counting). I am actually going to call it straight and say it has been harder emotionally than actually doing my thesis. At least then, while it was hard I was doing something - I had a very clear path and goal….I do not do ‘waiting’ and yet I have had to. Constantly at the back of my mind has been that worry of “did I actually do enough?”…."what if I have failed?”…."what if the last four years have just surmised to nothing…then what will I do?" I am really glad that between the boys, home and exciting business projects life has kept me pretty occupied. But I have also been ‘stuck’ in some regards, unable to move forward in quite the way I envisioned – and then have felt guilty because I should be happy with where I am at and happy to have ‘more time’ to spend on other...

It’s been nearly 2 months since I submitted my Doctoral thesis. I would like to say it has been butterflies and rainbows; but at times it’s almost been the opposite. I was on a massive high for a week or so, and then the reality sunk in….the fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks, to the point I would have to crawl back to bed when ever both boys were miraculously asleep at the same time during the day. The overwhelm of needing to deal with everything that had been outstanding for….months. Most of all my boys….my very brave boys who had been without me there 100% suddenly were off day care and desperate for time with me – and while I was equally desperate for time with them too, my reserves were so low, I was having to give while my own tank was blaring red. Each day felt so long, felt like a mammoth effort just to get through. Mentally, I had to do a 360 turn around from a high powered writing machine, running on adrenaline and incredible pressure to…well… being mum – just mum. My bigges...

It is time to sprint. I have done a 4 year marathon and now I am down to the wire, and it’s time to sprint. I have missed my deadline of the 30 th  (today) - I had 3 weeks up my sleeve just in case I needed it as I didn’t know what the tail end of my thesis looked like. Maybe that’s my ‘mum-mode’ planning coming out. Regardless I do need it this extra time. Although I have given it everything, I need to refine and rework some of my final chapters. I actually have less than three weeks, as it will take a week to have my thesis proof-read so I am working to the 9 th of December. But that’s it. If I don’t get it handed in by the 18 th of December I need to wait until next year and that’s complications worth avoiding at all costs. I have been disappointed that I didn’t make the 30 th - I have needed to put off a lot of things including the release of my new recipe book which has been under progress for two years. Moreover, I have needed to reconcile with myself about spending more time ...

This is it (gulp). 4 weeks – 1 goal: A 50,000 word Doctoral Thesis. The sum total of over 10 years of tertiary education, 6 years of postgraduate study including 4 years of hard, challenging and equally incredible doctoral thesis work. I am terrified. Terrified of not making it, of failing. Terrified of letting my family down. My husband who has sacrificed so much, more than he ever imagined to get me here. My boys, my precious boys who have been nothing short of my inspiration, drive, and courage. It’s Everest Base Camp and I can’t see the top, but there is no time to rest. No time to allow my fear to enter in. I have to do this and I’m going to. I am going to give it everything I have and then some. I have come too far now, too far to give up. Too far to let anything stand in my way. I have already used all my annual leave and sick leave from work as I needed more time to write solidly. The extra time away from my teaching position has meant the team had had to pull together and carr...

Sometimes it is not until the storm passes that you look back and reflect on what you have come through and how far you have come. [caption id="attachment_1419" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Showing my boys a copy of my published PhD article[/caption] This last month I have met with a huge road block in my PhD journey. It felt like I was hit from all angles. I had set backs with my writing, sick children, escalating work pressure, financial strain and my husband was simultaneously experiencing huge work changes as well. It is always darkest before the dawn right? The overwhelm I experienced forced us to stop, reassess and look at new options. We knew we had to make some hard choices and change some things around...rejig the puzzle so to speak. As human beings we resist change – try going for a day without chocolate (or whatever your vice is) and you will know exactly what I mean! For me it is additionally hard to admit that I can’t do it all…and I had ...

For those new to joining me on my PhD journey, I now have 3 months left until my Doctorate thesis submission deadline (November 30th).   It’s been a tough month. Trying to create time to write when there is no time. Needing to fine tune my level of work output. I have been my own worst enemy. Huge self doubt has plagued me every day often to the point when even if I have managed to squeeze in time to write, I can’t because I just keep thinking of the mountain which is ahead of me. This is all part of the journey unfortunately and I have to keep fighting against it – I know the hardest part is yet to come.   In the face of all this, however small miracles have happened. I got my first research article published. I literally started writing this when our first son was just 6 weeks old and I had to rework this so many times to lift my standard of writing (while very sleep deprived!). I finally submitted it for review days before our second son was born and nearly 3 years in, afte...

For those new to joining me on my PhD journey, I now have 4…correction nearly 3 months left until my Doctorate thesis submission deadline (November 30th). I found out I was (miraculously) pregnant 8 weeks into my PhD and if you had told me then (nearly 4 years ago) that I would be here, two children later in the count down to the end I would not have believed you.   Belief….ah yes believing in myself…believing in the process…   Ok time for a confession. I do not believe I can do this. Period.   A couple of week back, it was midnight and I could not sleep. Our children were sleeping soundly in their beds, I was standing in the kitchen tears streaming down my face, fear wrapped around me and my heart and I wondered how on earth will I get through? I was glad on this occasion that our youngest woke and needed feeding (ah motherhood). I did eventually sleep but my self doubt remains.   I feel like I have got nowhere. I am still waiting for my revised manuscript to be rev...

This last month has been very much about turning “I can’t into…I can”. It really has been a total mind game these last four weeks and I have had to really fight to get my head space right in order to write effectively. For those new to joining me on my PhD journey, I now have five months left until my Doctorate thesis submission deadline (November 30 th ). I found out I was (miraculously) pregnant 8 weeks into my PhD and if you had told me then that I would be here, two children later in the count down to the end I would not have believed you. This is a common struggle of mine, believing in myself and I have been right up against that this month. Time is huge challenge. We have to keep coming up with “creative” ways to find more time for me to write, and it is not just ‘time’ but effective time.  When you are a sleep deprived mum, running a business and working this seems impossible. Note I said 'we' because my husband and I are in this together! I have had to try some things o...

6 months. 6 months on the back of 3.5 years of work. Can I do it? That is the question which keeps buzzing in the back of my mind every single day. Can I actually finish this mountain, the Mt Everest of the academic world? I am scared, scared of failure, scared of the impact on my precious family – my husband and 2 boys. Scared of the impact on my current job and business. I am also scared of success - that I might pull this off and become a Doctor in my field. To back track a little. In 2011 I started the second year of my Master’s Thesis. I was encouraged to apply to transfer straight into the PhD programme based on the nature of my PhD and my academic ability. We got married December that year and while in India (wedding number 2) I found out that my transfer was successful (yahoo – this by the way is very rare). 8 weeks later we found out that I was pregnant – pregnant against huge odds. We were told it would take us 2-3 years plus if we were lucky. And so the journey of my PhD alo...